Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
