I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Success! We fucked roommates!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
