You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
