You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
