But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize