my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
