Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
