the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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