So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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