Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
