She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
