Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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