I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
