its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
