Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
