Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
