I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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