I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
