Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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