what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
