Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
