Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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