Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
