my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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