Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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