EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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