6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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