Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vagina is officially offended.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
