he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
