Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're a waste of cheezeits
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I could fuck to npr.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
