I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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