At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
