READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
