dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
