I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone came in the potted fern
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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