The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
