Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
