I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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