No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
