Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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