Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
