4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
