Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
