it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have demons in me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
