YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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