i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
