Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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