Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
