If that was your dad, he is hot
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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