Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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