i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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