rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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