I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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