I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
