I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
