Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm both gender and math confused
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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