my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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