So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
