Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
