So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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