her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
