your parents love me but you hate me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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