I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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