What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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