everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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