3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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