some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
