woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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