i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
