I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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