just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
