So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
