I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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