just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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