Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
