I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
