you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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