Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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