cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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