Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize