You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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