i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
