I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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