Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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