i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
