The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
