My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How external is "for external use only"?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize