call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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