Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
