I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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