oh god the rape fog is back!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
