i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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