so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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