he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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