Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found the puke drawer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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