we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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